"The algorithm giveth ... the algorithm taketh away."
-- The Book of Bogey, Chapter 2, Verse Seven
The Book of Bogey Commandments of Golf
1. Thou shalt have no game before WGT golf
For WGT golf is a jealous pastime, consuming thy weekends, friendships, and discretionary income.
2. Thou shalt not take the name of the golf gods in vain
Whether cursing the wind, the lie, algorithms, or the architect of this forsaken course, remember: the gods hear all and will smite thee with double bogeys and banning in Forums
3. Remember the 19th hole and keep it holy
After the suffering, there is salvation—in the form of overpriced beer and exaggerated tales of near greatness in the hallowed halls of the Forums
4. Honor thy caddie and thy playing partners
Even when thy caddie gives thee terrible reads and thy partners take 37 practice swings before chunking it five feet. Forfeit is a sin.
5. Thou shalt not murder—except a perfectly good round on the final three holes
It is tradition to collapse under pressure. Thou art not above it.
6. Thou shalt not commit sand adultery
If thou enterest the bunker, thou must escape with dignity, not with desperate, flailing strokes that scar the earth like the fury of an angry deity.
7. Thou shalt not steal (thy playing partner’s lucky ball)
Yea, even if it be a Pro V1 and thou art hitting a Top Flite, thine integrity is worth more than a free sleeve, overpriced and available in the Pro Shop
8. Thou shalt not bear false witness about thy handicap
For all know that a “12” who shoots 78 in the club championship is guilty of wickedness. Tour Pros above Level 100 are demonic—pray to avoid such sandbagging sinners.
9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s drive
Even when he smiteth it 60 yards past thine own with a swing as effortless as breathing.
10. Thou shalt accept that golf is suffering
The algorithm giveth … the algorithm taketh away