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Re: The Book of Bogey

• AlbertCamus2024 33 Posts

  Thu, Feb 6 2025 2:37 PM

                    "The algorithm giveth ... the algorithm taketh away." 

                           -- The Book of Bogey, Chapter 2, Verse Seven 

   

  The Book of Bogey Commandments of Golf

  1. Thou shalt have no game before WGT golf

  For WGT golf is a jealous pastime, consuming thy weekends, friendships, and discretionary income.

  2. Thou shalt not take the name of the golf gods in vain

  Whether cursing the wind, the lie, algorithms, or the architect of this forsaken course, remember: the gods hear all and will smite thee with double bogeys and banning in Forums

  3. Remember the 19th hole and keep it holy

  After the suffering, there is salvation—in the form of overpriced beer and exaggerated tales of near greatness in the hallowed halls of the Forums

  4. Honor thy caddie and thy playing partners

  Even when thy caddie gives thee terrible reads and thy partners take 37 practice swings before chunking it five feet. Forfeit is a sin.

  5. Thou shalt not murder—except a perfectly good round on the final three holes

  It is tradition to collapse under pressure. Thou art not above it.

  6. Thou shalt not commit sand adultery

  If thou enterest the bunker, thou must escape with dignity, not with desperate, flailing strokes that scar the earth like the fury of an angry deity.

  7. Thou shalt not steal (thy playing partner’s lucky ball)

  Yea, even if it be a Pro V1 and thou art hitting a Top Flite, thine integrity is worth more than a free sleeve, overpriced and available in the Pro Shop

  8. Thou shalt not bear false witness about thy handicap

  For all know that a “12” who shoots 78 in the club championship is guilty of wickedness. Tour Pros above Level 100 are demonic—pray to avoid such sandbagging sinners.

  9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s drive

  Even when he smiteth it 60 yards past thine own with a swing as effortless as breathing.

  10. Thou shalt accept that golf is suffering

  The algorithm giveth … the algorithm taketh away

  
  

• AlbertCamus2024 33 Posts

  Sat, Feb 8 2025 10:59 AM

  The Book of Bogey Commandments (continued) 

  11. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's swing  

  Nor his clubs, nor his putting stroke, nor his ability to escape bunkers in one attempt, nor his new wife twenty-four years his junior. Envy leads only to purchasing custom apparel from the Pro Shop and existential despair. 

  12. Thou shalt not bear false witness on thy scorecard

  Mulligans, game restarts, and short tees with easy pins are no different than foot wedges and "that was a gimme" which are whispers of the wicked and woeful Tour Champions with a 51 average but failing to break 70 in a limited time tournament or Ready-Go. What you score is what you get, not what your ego desires.

  13. Thou shalt not commit slow play

  Lo, the righteous golfer keeps pace, refusing to take 45 seconds to line-up a tee shot on a drive with a fairway you could drive thirty mother-in-laws through without touching rough. Those behind you and playing with you tire of the tiresomeness of time fatigue. "Grip it and rip it," The LORD says.

  14. Thou must accept what thou gets

  As the LORD says, "Today, thy ball may miraculously bounce off a tree onto the green, a shot I have made divinely popular. Tomorrow, a perfect drive may vanish into an unseen water hazard, an event occurring when I play marginally competitive archangels, elderly priests, or penetrant professional golfers. The universe and I remain indifferent to such suffering. Never think you can play with The LORD."

  15. Thou shalt never, ever utter "I think I've figured it out"

  This is a sin against the algorithm. This is the greatest delusion of all, and upon such words, thy swing shall rumble like sand beneath a poorly executed flop shot with a starter ball.  If you are playing with a calculator, be prepared to be smitten with the wrath of The LORD. Calculators are a sin against fair play and, unless you are wearing a pocket protector and thick glasses, are an abomination to His will. 

  AlbertCamus2024:

                    "The algorithm giveth ... the algorithm taketh away." 

                           -- The Book of Bogey, Chapter 2, Verse Seven 

   

  The Book of Bogey Commandments of Golf

  1. Thou shalt have no game before WGT golf

  For WGT golf is a jealous pastime, consuming thy weekends, friendships, and discretionary income.

  2. Thou shalt not take the name of the golf gods in vain

  Whether cursing the wind, the lie, algorithms, or the architect of this forsaken course, remember: the gods hear all and will smite thee with double bogeys and banning in Forums

  3. Remember the 19th hole and keep it holy

  After the suffering, there is salvation—in the form of overpriced beer and exaggerated tales of near greatness in the hallowed halls of the Forums

  4. Honor thy caddie and thy playing partners

  Even when thy caddie gives thee terrible reads and thy partners take 37 practice swings before chunking it five feet. Forfeit is a sin.

  5. Thou shalt not murder—except a perfectly good round on the final three holes

  It is tradition to collapse under pressure. Thou art not above it.

  6. Thou shalt not commit sand adultery

  If thou enterest the bunker, thou must escape with dignity, not with desperate, flailing strokes that scar the earth like the fury of an angry deity.

  7. Thou shalt not steal (thy playing partner’s lucky ball)

  Yea, even if it be a Pro V1 and thou art hitting a Top Flite, thine integrity is worth more than a free sleeve, overpriced and available in the Pro Shop

  8. Thou shalt not bear false witness about thy handicap

  For all know that a “12” who shoots 78 in the club championship is guilty of wickedness. Tour Pros above Level 100 are demonic—pray to avoid such sandbagging sinners.

  9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s drive

  Even when he smiteth it 60 yards past thine own with a swing as effortless as breathing.

  10. Thou shalt accept that golf is suffering

  The algorithm giveth … the algorithm taketh away

  
  

   

   

• craigswan 32,367 Posts

  Sat, Feb 8 2025 2:46 PM

  

• AlbertCamus2024 33 Posts

  Mon, Feb 10 2025 8:26 AM

  "And lo, the Algorithm saw all, knew all, and, with great wisdom, decided that thou shalt only see ads for earning more credits via surveys, Winners Circle promos, XP enhancements, and, most importantly, orthopedic sandals." The Book of Bogey, Chapter 10, Verse 6

  craigswan: