Good evening fellow curiosity seekers ...
Though I have not consulted Yancy on this one, and I do apologize for taking his thread off on a slight tangent (or maybe it's a piezography curve), I do wish to publish some research I've recently conducted into encounters with extraterrestrial creatures ...
HOW TO AVOID CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE FOURTH KIND (GETTING ZAPPED)
- Avoid lots of loud noises when golfing, as Aliens are mostly nocturnal creatures and tend to do most of their dirty work at night. They would rather sleep during the hot bright daytime, and anything that wakes them up during this time tends to annoy them. So if you like music playing while you golf, keep it at a low level, or better yet, use headphones...
- With the above in mind, never holler out "YOU DA MAN" when one of your golfing partners makes a great golf shot, as Aliens may think you're referring to them, and this offends them greatly. Remember Aliens are more akin to reptiles and insects than they are to human beings.
- Never holler out "GET IN THE HOLE" when a putt looks like it's may drop. Aliens came out of their holes centuries ago, and they will perceive that as you suggesting they take an "evolutionary step" backwards ....
- Never bring a pet dog or cat with you onto the course at any time if they are in heat. Aliens are extremely sensitive to smell and you don't wish to arouse their curiosity.
- And with that in mind, strong colognes and perfumes are also verboten ...
- Avoid bright flashy colored clothing ... you wouldn't want them to be confused, thinking you're a flower, particularly if you're wearing something that smells good too ... in their past, they were pollinators ...
IF YOU DO HAPPEN TO COME FACE TO FACE WITH AN ALIEN ON COURSE
- Never brandish a golf club at them thinking you may intimidate them ... they will see that as an act of war, and you are toast ... burnt toast ...
- If they indicate that they are thirsty ... offer them some water. Never, ever offer them alcoholic drinks of any kind, as they can't hold their liquor, and a drunk Alien is not a happy Alien ...
- Extend them a hand in friendship, but expect a cold clammy handshake that may send shivers up your spine if they actually accept it .... wash your hands soon after if it happens, because you don't know what they've been doing with their "hands"?
- Take a picture if you're not quaking in fear, and email it to Yancy @Team Yancy so's he can exactly identify the enemy ...
That's all I got so far ... maybe someone else has some more ideas on this subjectable ... be safe and happy golfing ...
Don