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Dear Pabby

• craigswan 32,017 Posts

  Wed, Jan 25 2017 1:27 PM

  Dear pabby ,

  I have been given my first new mobile phone . A flip up - red with big buttons .

  My last one was the wife's second hand blackberry . It had way to many buttons . I usually ended up taking pictures of the inside of my trouser pocket .

  It was pay to go . I topped it up once with £10 . My wife went into the basement of a hotel with michael buble for around 90 minutes . I phoned her constantly from the car but she said there was no signal down there so i wasted my whole £10.

  I have never put any money in since that night .

  I am thinking of learning how to send a text  . It is complicated isn't it . You try pressing button 1 to spell A but then it changes to B and then to C . So you end up with a load of garbage .

  Do you think this is something i could learn at night school .

• craigswan 32,017 Posts

  Mon, Jan 30 2017 12:02 PM

  Are you on holiday pabby.

  Everybody at my work now has two computer screens . What a bunch of poser's .

  Been thinking though . Two screens would be good for playing ping pong by yourself .

  You could serve on one screen and then return the serve on the second screen . Save you running about .

  Might work on wgt . Save you needing a caddie . Line up a long putt on one screen and on the second screen you could pull the pin out .

• craigswan 32,017 Posts

  Tue, Feb 7 2017 6:09 AM

  Dear pabby ,

   I’m asking for a friend

  ‘I am a  43-year-old married man, ‘Are there any medicines to sexually excite a woman?

  ‘I have a 30-year-old neighbour who could benefit from it as she has lost her desire to have sex. Do help.’

• pmm711 5,720 Posts

  Tue, Feb 14 2017 3:02 PM

  

• pmm711 5,720 Posts

  Wed, Feb 22 2017 12:30 PM

  

• craigswan 32,017 Posts

  Wed, Feb 22 2017 1:18 PM

  Dear pabby . Haste ye back .

  My wife went for a medical .

  All of her  tests came back with normal results.The doctor says to  her.

  
  "Honey, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?”  
   
  She told him , "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so He's fixed it 
  so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on. When I'm done, poof! 
  The light goes off.""Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.  
   
  
   Do you think i should tell him she is peeing in the fridge again .

• craigswan 32,017 Posts

  Fri, Mar 17 2017 3:23 AM

  Saint Pabby's day .

  A ventriloquist is telling Irish jokes in Davy Byrne's pub in Grafton Street, Dublin, when, O'Leary, an irate Irishman stands up shouting, 'You're making out we're all dumb and stupid. I oughtta punch you in the nose.'

  'I'm sorry sir, I...........'

  'Not you,' says O'Leary, 'I'm talking to that little fella on your knee.'

  
  .

   

• craigswan 32,017 Posts

  Fri, Mar 17 2017 3:24 AM

  Kieran O'Connor always slept with his gun under his pillow. Hearing a noise at the foot of the bed, he shot off his big toe.

  'Thank the Lord I wasn't sleeping at the other end of the bed,' Kieran said to his friends in Donegal's pub. 'I would have blown my head off.'

  
  .

   

• craigswan 32,017 Posts

  Fri, Jan 29 2021 11:21 AM

  Dear Paddy .

  MY boyfriend has become obsessed with the news over the last year and it’s got worse in this lockdown.

  He has even started to ask me to role-play presenting it during foreplay and he puts on the FOX  News  theme music..

  I went along with it once, hoping it would be a passing phase. But now he has suggested I introduce myself as Megyn Kelly .

  I would describe myself as a fun person but I’m not comfortable with his latest request..

  We are both working from home now and the news is a permanent feature..

  He works in customer services and I am a PA. We used to get on so well.

  Our morning alarm is the news at 7am. He wakes and immediately checks his newsfeeds.

  Then we go into the kitchen for breakfast and the TV goes on — again with the news.

  We both work in the lounge as it’s a tiny flat and the radio goes on — again, news channels all day..

  At bedtime he checks the bulletins, often until the early hours, and he won’t turn off his alerts which wake us up through the night.

  I know it’s important to keep informed but since Covid I feel like this has taken over our lives and my boyfriend has disappeared.

  I’m no prude but I’m not keen on dressing up as Megyn and pretending to introduce Joe Biden's latest decisions.

  I don’t even look like her. She’s all legs and slim, whereas I’m definitely a lot more curvy..