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Re: Intruders

Sat, Mar 12 2011 1:11 PM (13 replies)
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  • MioKontic
    4,653 Posts
    Wed, Mar 9 2011 12:39 PM

    I was merrily going along practicing on Kiawah off the back tees when on the 3rd hole I came across this little(?) chap:

    Well, safe to say I nearly sh... er, I mean he put me off.  And this was the result:

    I even burnt the grass because I was swinging so fast to get out of there!  And I didn't even get past the tee markers!

    So fellow players, be on your guard when out at Kiawah, those man-eaters seem rather hungry!

  • WGTicon
    12,511 Posts
    Wed, Mar 9 2011 3:20 PM

    That's why I been away today. Jack, my pet Alligator is loose on the premises. If you happen to see him, please be gentle. He doesn't bite, just tenderizes you.

    -wgticon.

  • MioKontic
    4,653 Posts
    Wed, Mar 9 2011 3:42 PM

    WGTicon:

    That's why I been away today. Jack, my pet Alligator is loose on the premises. If you happen to see him, please be gentle. He doesn't bite, just tenderizes you.

    -wgticon.

    Well, I'm afraid I didn't wait around to see where he went.  Sorry Icon, gonna have to leave that one up to you.

    Oh, and someone might want to re-seed that burnt area on the tee.

  • LizzieRossetti
    1,545 Posts
    Wed, Mar 9 2011 4:50 PM

    Then indeed we have a problem Houston,for that is a crocodile...

    But anyway,all you have to do if attacked is hold their top jaw because then they can't snap shut on you since their musculature doesnt allow for that.Or the bottom jaw,not sure which.You try first Mio.

    Next time though,wear a red shirt so that if you bleed,the blood doesnt show.

    Oh,and some brown trousers.

     

    Lizzie xx

  • MioKontic
    4,653 Posts
    Wed, Mar 9 2011 5:19 PM

    LizzieRossetti:
    for that is a crocodile...

    They're the same thing!  I know, I know, no they're not.  But as Del Boy asked Rodney when they were in the Everglades, "Do they eat ya?"  The answer was "Yes they do".  So, they're the same thing!

    Anyway, got to go do some washing now.

  • LizzieRossetti
    1,545 Posts
    Wed, Mar 9 2011 6:11 PM

    This reminds me of when as a prank,we told Emmy that the circus was in town,and that they were asking for a lion tamer trainee.

    Emmy has always been the smallest bit trusting and so she took the car to town and made application.The chaufuer went in with her and related the account of subsequent interviews.

    I am aware that the majority of pieple wish my tales could be short and not long,so I will be a sweetie and hurry it along.

    Emmy: I have come about the Lion Tamer Job.

    Circusmaster: Hmm,take a seat.So,what do you know about Lions Miss err...?

    Emmy: Carruthers.Emmeline Carruthers.Well,lions have long tails,tickly whiskers and sometimes are called Tony,but mine is called wombatt.

    Circusmaster: You have a Lion?Interesting.Asian or Saharan?

    Emmy: Oh he came from Hamleys,I got him for chrissymas when I was four.

    Circusmaster: Oh,I see,a toy lion then?

    Emmy: Yes of course,Daddy says you can't have a real lion on account of them eating the servants.

    Circusmaster: Ok,lets forget your lion for the moment then.Now Lion taming is quite skillful you know.It takes courage,bravery and quite a lot of training.Now do you scare easily Emmeline?

    Emmy: I dont know anyone called Easily,Im sorry.But I'm sure I could scare him if only I knew how.Maybe youre thinking of my brother Charles,he does that sort of thing.

    Circusmaster: Hmm,well look,lets do a little test shall we?Follow me.

    The entourage troops through the straw laden field to a large tent with a very low door let into the longest side.The heavy canvass is streaked here and there from years of neglect.Emmy removes her bonnet and swings it by the pale blue ribbons as she ducks inside after the circusmaster.

    Circusmaster: Here we are,this is where we train the lion tamers.Over there,by that cage,is where the lions will come from.

    Emmy: Gosh,do you let them out without a lead? How simply frightening! what happens if they run towards me?

    Circusmaster: Well now Emmeline,you would pick up that whip over there,and give it three loud cracks to scare the lion off.

    Emmy: But what if the lion isnt scared and simply wants me for luncheon?

    Circusmaster: Oh,if done properly and loudly enough,the lion knows he must come no further.

    Emmy: Yes but,what if I make a mistake and he doesnt understand?Will he gobble me all up?I dont think Mummy would like that if he did.

    Circusmaster: It would be most unusual for the lion to do that,but if he did,and you are quite right to ask,then you would take hold of this chair,turn the legs toward the lion,and thrust it aggressively in his direction.He would be sure to retreat directly then.

    Emmy: I know you will think me a galloot,but after all,if I get it wrong with the whip,might I not also get it wrong with the chair too?

    Circusmaster: I think the chances of that would be remote indeed.I have never seen that happen in my whole life Emmeline.

    Emmy: I know you say that,but sometimes I can be such a goof.If I did get it wrong,and the lion kept coming,what would I do then to save myself?

    Circusmaster: Hmm,Okay,the only thing left to do then would be to reach behind you,scoop up some dung from the floor,and throw it at the lion.He would most certainly back off then.

    Emmy: I am so sorry to be persistant,but what if I reach behind me and there is no dung to be found?

    Circusmaster: Oh there will be.There will be.

     

     

    Lizzie xx

     

     

  • Yappy22
    733 Posts
    Wed, Mar 9 2011 6:54 PM

    WGTicon:

    That's why I been away today. Jack, my pet Alligator is loose on the premises. If you happen to see him, please be gentle. He doesn't bite, just tenderizes you.

    -wgticon.

    Yea an my pitt bull won't rip your arm of if you try to pet him.  LOL

  • CharlyHorse
    4 Posts
    Wed, Mar 9 2011 8:50 PM

    Thats unbelievable, you should get relief for that!

  • 6packmike
    235 Posts
    Thu, Mar 10 2011 1:10 AM

    Maximum shots reached? On that tee? That croc has an expensive eating habit. Calloways even. What will wgt come up with next to eat our balls!

  • MioKontic
    4,653 Posts
    Thu, Mar 10 2011 4:03 AM

    6packmike:

    Maximum shots reached? On that tee? That croc has an expensive eating habit. Calloways even. What will wgt come up with next to eat our balls!

    You know what, that never occured to me - a croc sent in by WGT (WGTIcon no less, he's admitted it above!!!) to nick our Callaways.  Man, what devious means they have of making money; if it's not a dodgy meter then it's ball-eating alligators.

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