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The Joke Thread...

Fri, Aug 14 2015 1:24 PM (81 replies)
  • craigswan
    31,826 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 8:13 AM

    sean and dan went out for a slap up meal last night . They were approached by the very attractive waitress who took their order . I will have a healthy salad says sean . Turning to dan she asked what he wanted . How about a quickie he inquires .Taken aback the waitress slaps him and goes off in the huff .

    Sean leans over to dan and says - i believe that,s pronounced  quiche .

  • patriciawilliams
    3,273 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 8:16 AM

    craigswan:

    I was walking past the mental hospital today when behind a six foot high fence i heard people chanting 13 , 13 , 13 .So being nosey i looked through a hole in the fence .

    Someone poked me in the eye with a stick and then the chanting changed to 14 , 14 , 14 .

    LOL

  • craigswan
    31,826 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 8:18 AM

    At caroline's  local gas station they are trying to increase sales so they put a sign up saying - free sex with every fill up .

    Her man  tries it and fills up and asks attendent for his free sex . He explains you need to guess the right number between one and ten . He tries seven . Sorry says attendent the right number is 6 .Try again next week .

    So the next week he tries the number four . Sorry says attendent the right number is five .As he drives away he says to his mate - i think that game is rigged and he doesn,t give away free sex at all .

    His mate replies - no it ain,t rigged at all - caroline  won twice last week.

  • craigswan
    31,826 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 8:26 AM

    person 1 - did you hear about the actress who got stabbed .  Reese , reese something .

    person 2 - witherspoon .

    person 1 - No , with her knife .

  • srellim234
    2,077 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 8:44 AM
  • alosso
    21,072 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 1:08 PM

    Is this not about golf jokes? (just asking...)

     

    A guy travels to Japan for business the first time and due to the jet lag he arrives a day early, before the meeting with his japanese business contacts. At night he orders some hostess service and eventually gets into private interaction with the hostess. She shouts "Shuku ossi, shuku ossi!" during his passionate action and he thinks, "I must be fekin' good!"

    The next day, as an interlude to the business talks, the Japanese boss  invites him to a round of golf. At one hole, he (the boss) manages to drop a difficult putt and the guy remembers last night's confirmative words: "Shuku ossi!" he shouts, but the Japanese turns back to him puzzled, "what do you mean, wrong hole?!?"

  • carolineRobert
    1,821 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 1:13 PM

    srellim234:

    i didn't expect that there would be a joke thread under ''community introductions'' ....besides , last entry was in June.

    and i knew about the ''humorous signs'' thread...this one here isn't that.

     

    ˙˙˙puɐ sʎɐʍʎuɐ sʞuıן ǝɥʇ ɹoɟ xɥʇ ʇnq

     

    ¡ sʎnƃ ƃuıɯoɔ sǝʞoɾ ǝɥʇ dǝǝʞ

  • carolineRobert
    1,821 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 1:21 PM

    alosso:

    Is this not about golf jokes? (just asking...)

    primarily golf jokes ...but any joke is fine too. Anything to make people smile and/or laugh is good. I just hope that people will keep things ''clean'' somehow   -----> not racist or degrading. ( see 1st post ).

  • patriciawilliams
    3,273 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 1:32 PM

    carolineRobert:
    Anything to make people smile and/or laugh is good.

    Right on! :-)

  • SweetiePie
    4,925 Posts
    Tue, Oct 15 2013 3:30 PM

    There was this man named McSweeny who spilled some gin on his weenie

    Just to be couth he added vermouth and slipped his girlfriend a martini

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