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The Joke Thread...

• carolineRobert 1,821 Posts

  Sat, Oct 26 2013 9:18 PM

  A doctor, a civil engineer, and a computer scientist from WGT Headquaters were arguing about what was the oldest profession in the world. The doctor remarked, 'Well, in the Bible it says that God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam. This clearly required surgery, so I can rightly claim that mine is the oldest profession in the world.' 
         
        The civil engineer interrupted and said, 'But even earlier in the book of Genesis, it states that God created the order of the heavens and the earth from out of the chaos. This was the first and certainly the most spectacular application of civil engineering. Therefore, fair doctor, you are wrong; mine is the oldest profession in the world.' 
         
        The WGT computer scientist leaned back in his chair, smiled and said confidently, 'Ahhh, but who do you think created the chaos?'

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• alosso 21,072 Posts

  Sat, Oct 26 2013 11:59 PM

  LOL!

  A priest, a doctor and an engineer play a round together. They notice a foursome in front who play very slow. When they complain to the Marshall, he says, "These are some firemen who lost their eyesight while protecting the clubhouse from being burnt down. Now, they have a playing priviledge. Treat them with respect please!"

  Says the priest, "I'm going to include them in my prayers!"

  Says the doctor, "I'm going to research for a cure to their disease!"

  Says the engineer, "Why don't they play at night?"

• sweetspott 26,443 Posts

  Sun, Oct 27 2013 1:25 AM

  Your flying down the railroad tracks in your canoe and one of your wings fall off. How many pancakes land in the dog house?. None because marshmallows don't have bones.....

   

• carolineRobert 1,821 Posts

  Tue, Oct 29 2013 2:03 PM

  A young man was sitting on a park bench with one hand resting on an open Bible. He was loudly exclaiming his praise to God. "Hallelujah! Hallelujah! God is great!" he yelled without worrying whether anyone heard him or not. 
         
        Shortly after, along came a man who had recently completed some studies at a local university. Feeling himself very enlightened in the ways of truth and very eager to show this enlightenment, he asked the young man about the source of his joy. 
         
          "Don't you have any idea what God is able to do? I just read that God opened up the waves of the Red Sea and led the whole nation of Israel right through the middle." 
         
        The enlightened man laughed lightly, sat down next to him and began to try to open his eyes to the "realities" of the miracles of the Bible. "That can all be very easily explained. Modern scholarship has shown that the Red Sea in that area was only 10-inches deep at that time. It was no problem for the Israelites to wade across." 
         
        The young man was stumped. His eyes wandered from the man back to the Bible laying open in his lap. The man, content that he had enlightened a poor, naive young person to the finer points of scientific insight, turned to go. Scarcely had he taken two steps when the young man began to rejoice and praise louder than before. The man turned to ask the reason for this resumed jubilation. 
         
        "Wow!" he exclaimed happily, "God is greater than I thought! Not only did He lead the whole nation of Israel through the Red Sea, He topped it off by drowning the whole Egyptian army in only 10 inches of water!"

  

• 9,041 Posts

  Tue, Oct 29 2013 2:23 PM

  Why have the Aussies got a drink called... ' XXXX ' ?

  Because Queenslanders can't spell ' Beer ' !

• craigswan 31,826 Posts

  Thu, Oct 31 2013 2:56 PM

  An Englishman, a Canadian and a Pakistani man were sat in the waiting room of the maternity ward at the local hospital.

  A nurse comes out and says to the men "I'm sorry, but there's a been a mix-up and we don't know which baby belongs to which mother. Any chance one of you could come in and see if you can help?"

  The Englishman stands up and says that he'll help. He walks into the ward and, a couple of minutes later walks out with what is obviously a Pakistani baby. The Pakistani man stands up and shouts "What do you think you're doing?!"

  And the Englishman said "Look, one of those babies in there is Canadian , and I'm not taking any chances."

• craigswan 31,826 Posts

  Thu, Oct 31 2013 3:03 PM

  A bloke went to his mate's fancy dress party with nothing but a girl on his back... (

  "So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the host asked. "I'm a snail." The bloke replied. "What a load of rubbish!" the host spat. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that girl on your back?" "That's not a any girl, mate," the bloke replied, "that's Michelle".

• srellim234 2,077 Posts

  Thu, Oct 31 2013 5:19 PM

  Joe and Tom were talking in the bar. Joe said," I just got kicked off the course for breaking 60."

  Tom looked at him, amazed. " Breaking 60? That's amazing!"

  Joe smiled and said," Yeah, I never knew a golf cart could go that fast!"
  
  

• craigswan 31,826 Posts

  Fri, Nov 1 2013 1:08 AM

  Today, I was beaten up by this woman ...

  I was in the elevator when this busty lady got in. I was staring at her boobs, when she said, "Would you please press one." So I did

• craigswan 31,826 Posts

  Tue, Nov 5 2013 5:53 AM

  Dracula was walking along the road one night when he heard a noise from up above. He looked up to see sausage rolls, vola-vents, cucumber sandwiches, chicken wings and all sorts of party food tumbling towards him. The food hit Dracula and knocked him to the ground. As he lay there dying he said "Oh no its Buffet the vampire slayer".