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Haggis

• alosso 21,070 Posts

  Fri, Jan 22 2016 1:33 PM

  craigswan:

  According to some sources, the wild haggis's left and right legs are of different lengths allowing it to run quickly around the steep mountains and hillsides which make up its natural habitat, but only in one direction It is further claimed that there are two varieties of haggis, one with longer left legs and the other with longer right legs. The former variety can run clockwise around a mountain (as seen from above) while the latter can run anticlockwise The two varieties coexist peacefully but are unable to interbreed in the wild because in order for the male of one variety to mate with a female of the other, he must turn to face in the same direction as his intended mate, causing him to lose his balance before he can mount her. As a result of this difficulty, differences in leg length among the haggis population are accentuated

  Same applies to some species in the Bavarian alps called Wolpertinger. Experienced hunters are said to catch it by scaring it in order to reverse it's running direction.

  Wolpertinger picture, as seen by Albrecht Durer:

  

• craigswan 31,785 Posts

  Fri, Jan 22 2016 1:50 PM

  rare picture of a wild haggis .

  customer to waiter  - was this haggis wild when you caught it .

  waiter to customer - well it wasn,t best pleased .

   

   

                  
  

• blindpugh 433 Posts

  Fri, Jan 22 2016 2:01 PM

  This is morphing into an old CARRY ON  movie... ie how bad can the jokes possiblyget, oops sorry I asked  Carry on haggis

• craigswan 31,785 Posts

  Fri, Jan 22 2016 2:45 PM

  Tam goes into his local fish and chip shop.
  “Two haggis suppers Toni,” he calls across the counter.
  “Wow, your really pushing the boat out tonight,” says Toni. “Did you win the lottery?”
  “Naw,” says Tam, “But I did win third prize in a Sunny Govan Radio contest – here’s the voucher for my grub.”
  “Well done mate,” says Toni. “So what were the other prizes?”
  “Second prize was a single haggis supper,” says Tam.
  “And first prize?” enquires Toni.
  “Jist the chips,” says Tam.

• craigswan 31,785 Posts

  Fri, Jan 22 2016 2:49 PM

  Old Sandy McPherson was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked, 'Anything I can get you, Sandy?'
  
  No reply.
  
  'Have ye no' a last wish, Sandy?'
  Faintly, came the answer ...  'A wee bit of yon boiled haggis .'
  
  'Wheesht, man,' said Maggie, 'ye ken fine that's for the funeral.'

• antanazbarolataz 10 Posts

  Sat, Jan 23 2016 1:29 AM

  Do You think Haggis is disgusting?Visit Sardinia and try this then.. : 

• blindpugh 433 Posts

  Sat, Jan 23 2016 2:39 AM

  craigswan:

  Old Sandy McPherson was dying. Tenderly, his wife Maggie knelt by his bedside and asked, 'Anything I can get you, Sandy?'
  
  No reply.
  
  'Have ye no' a last wish, Sandy?'
  Faintly, came the answer ...  'A wee bit of yon boiled haggis .'
  
  'Wheesht, man,' said Maggie, 'ye ken fine that's for the funeral.'

  Enough already.

• WigerToods2010 8,447 Posts

  Sat, Jan 23 2016 2:57 AM

  

  There's loads out there...

  :O)

• bubbsboy 6,879 Posts

  Sat, Jan 23 2016 2:58 AM

  blindpugh:

  bubbsboy:

   

  Bubbs   MUSY HAVE BEEN WHISKY IN IT.Where's the window on the 17th ?

   

  

  That one mate. She also shouted she was on a "hen do", when asked whats a "hen do", she replied....."lays eggs"..........pffffffft.

• craigswan 31,785 Posts

  Sat, Jan 23 2016 3:18 AM

  A man walks up to the counter and asks for a plate of potatoes.
  
  The woman says,"oh,you must be from Ireland."
  
  The man is furious,"What sort of stereotypical remark is that?.If i walked in here and asked for a haggis,would you assume i was Scottish?"
  
  "Well no,"says the woman.
  
  "And if i walked in here and asked for some chow mein,would you think i was Chinese?"asks the man.
  
  "No,i suppose not,"Replies the woman.
  
  "So why do you automatically assume i'm Irish when all i want is a plate of potatoes,"asks the man.
  
  "Because,"the woman replies"this is a Hairdressers!!!!"