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The joys of getting old

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Sun, Dec 16 2018 9:05 AM (10 replies)
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  • Luckystar5
    1,638 Posts
    Fri, Dec 14 2018 9:47 AM

    An old couple in church.  Wife turns to husband and says "Ive  just cut a silent fart, what should I do?"  Husband says, put new batteries in your hearing aid !

  • callaghan159
    6,313 Posts
    Fri, Dec 14 2018 10:32 AM

    Luckystar5:

    An old couple in church.  Wife turns to husband and says "Ive  just cut a silent fart, what should I do?"  Husband says, put new batteries in your hearing aid !

    LMFAO

  • Ladychipper
    22,989 Posts
    Fri, Dec 14 2018 12:05 PM

    HA HA! 

     

  • Doc58
    6,400 Posts
    Fri, Dec 14 2018 12:11 PM

    Wife.......... "This sermon today is not to good.

                         It's really pretty boring.

                         I think my butt has gone to sleep."

    Husband...."It has, we heard it snoring."

  • borntobesting
    9,680 Posts
    Sat, Dec 15 2018 1:46 PM

    An old lady goes to the doctor. He asks her the problem. She tells him "I have had many silent farts that don't smell and that worries me". 

    About that time she cuts one and the doctor says 'OK I think i see the problem" . He fills out a prescription and tells her to take 2 of the pills daily and come back to see him in a week. 

    She goes back the next week and the first thing she says is "What did you do? My farts are still silent but now they stink to high heaven, " 

    The Doctor said "good, now that I have cleared up your sinuses we can start on your hearing".

     

  • BogeyOne
    1,987 Posts
    Sat, Dec 15 2018 5:14 PM

    On their 50th anniversary, a husband says to his wife, "Honey, I have been faithful to you all these years, but, I do have to make a confession. A very long time ago, at the lounge in the bowling alley, I got a little drunk and tried to get a woman there to take me home with her."

    "That was me," his wife replied.

  • DoctorLarry
    4,302 Posts
    Sat, Dec 15 2018 5:41 PM

    Bada boom, bada bing!

  • Luckystar5
    1,638 Posts
    Sat, Dec 15 2018 6:35 PM

    One of my wife's friends, turned to my wife and said, "your husband is talking with that pretty young lady over there!"  My wife tells her not to say a word, cuz she's wanting to see how long I can keep my stomach sucked in!!!!!

  • ffries61
    522 Posts
    Sat, Dec 15 2018 7:47 PM

    Wife: look at that drunk guy.

    Husband: who is he ?

    Wife: 10 years back he proposed to me & I rejected him.

    Husband: Oh My God ! He's still celebrating ...

  • alosso
    21,056 Posts
    Sun, Dec 16 2018 8:52 AM

    A German couple sits in mutual silence at breakfast on their silver wedding anniversary. He speaks up: "If I had killed you then, I'd be free now!"

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