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The Book of Rinoji (part 1 - Merion)

• Rinoji 14 Posts

  Fri, May 31 2013 11:12 PM

  I was cleaning out some old stuff recently and came across the ‘Book of Rinoji’ which tells a biblical tale of the trials and tribulations one of my ancient ancestors (if that isn't redundancy) had whilst playing WGT. Here is a chapter called:

  ‘The Virtual US Open Qualifier’.

  And so it came to pass that Rinoji was sent forth into the land of vicious weeds and invisible branches that he may qualify for the US Open. And though Rinoji was a lowly Tour Master at the time he thought that with the help of the Lord he could at least give it a good stab knowing all the while that the Legends and TL’s would shooteth silly numbers.

  And Rinoji girded his loins and steppeth up to the first tee and he taketh heart for the yardage was not as far as he had feared despite playing from the tips. And Rinoji driveth with his newly purchased R11 9.0 and though some hath complained that this club lacks forgiveness, he felt the forgiveness of the Lord as his Callaway landed sweetly in the centre of the fairway leaving just a wedge in to the hole. And Rinoji doth make birdie on this first hole and he felt great joy. And the first few holes doth continue and Rinoji findeth himself 3 under even after the 5^th which hath seemed a tough test with a green designed by Lucifer himself. And Rinoji sayeth unto himself ‘Rinoji boy, you are pretty damn good at this game’. And the Lord heareth his vanity and chuckled unto to himself and whispereth softly ‘wait until you get to the 9^th mate’. And the Lord also fineth Rinoji sheckels for saying ‘damn’ during the gentleman’s game.

  And it came to pass that Rinoji doth tee off from the 9th^th and LO! he landeth in the weeds surrounding the front left bunker. Yet he feareth not as it was only 14 yards to the pin and he trusteth his flop. But his flop worketh not and the Callaway moveth a mere inch, and he tryeth again with the same result, and then he changeth to pitch, yet moveth the ball another mere inch, and Rinoji doth despair and asketh the Lord for pity. But he could not hear the Lord and he felt alone and in the wilderness. And he doth hit 3 more shots before finally escaping the weeds and taketh a 9 at that foul and dark hole.

  And Rinoji was humbled and sayeth unto himself ‘you’re not as fecking good as you thought you were’. And the Lord heareth and was satisfied that Rinoji was humbled, though for a laugh he giveth Rinoji a strong headwind on the 18^th so that he may not even make the fairway, and he also fineth Rinoji more shekels for swearing again.

  AMEN

  Rinoji :-P