It took all the strength I had left in my broken body to crawl off the 18th green at Bethpage Black. I needed a drink.......and bad......I managed to get to the bar and unsteadily pulled myself up onto a stool and ordered a double rum&coke from Sam.
Sam took one look at me and asked....."What the....... What the hell happened to you?' "You look sh*t! Your all bloody, your right eye is puffed shut, your clothes are in shreds, you don't have any shoes on..... WHAT JUST HAPPENED OUT THERE?"..............
I slowly looked up at him with my one good eye and said one word.........".VEM.......Damm no good VEM.......that's what happened to me! It hit me real hard today! Oh sure I've had abit of it in the past, but today was brutal. 9 pars 6bogeys and 3 double bogeys! That's how bad it was. You know me Sam, I'm not that good to begin with but today was the sh*ts!!!.."............
Sam was staring at me astounded and replyed......"But, but VEM doesn't attack you physically. Why are you so beat up!'................."Well Sam, I reached the 17th hole pretty shell shocked from all the VEM. I noticed as I was standing on the tee box that the wind and distance was favorable so I thought I could get it close and maybe get a bird!
Dinged the shot and it fell 20ft short of the green into the bunker! You have to remember I'm pretty upset by this time. I get out of the bunker and proceed to 3 putt! Missed a 10 incher Sam. Took a double Sam!.".........."I was so mad I flung my putter behind me.
I heard a big SPLAT and then a huge unearthly Growl.........I slowly turned around and there he was!!!!.........SASQUATCH[ big foot]........and he was MAD.. You see Sam, my putter hit him square in the face and he was fuming!.............He picked up and flung me down the 18th fairway like a limp rag doll. I was just getting up to my hands and knees when I was hit in the back with my golf bag, which put me down again.
Big Foot then came and flung me unto the green where he proceeded to try and shove my head down the hole!..........When I came to he was gone ,thank God".............Sam looked at me dumbfounded and whispered under his breath......"He does exist then! I thought It was all bullcrap!"......"Yeah he's real for sure" I said......."What you gonna do now?" he said..........."Well Sam, when your flying through the air, not knowing whether you'll live or die, time does indeed stand still."
I thought "Damm VEM, damm Mr WGT! So far I've being doing it your way.....buying clubs, buying balls, playing ranked rounds for xpoints, trying to move up! Its all BS! From now on I'm going to do it MY WAY. Back to starter clubs and starter balls. No more money spent on stuff. No ranked rounds, only practise where I control the settings!!!....
Oh sure Sam, I'll keep doing surveys.... I kind of like them. At least it does pop up "Success"! Also I like the forums alot too. But the rest of it, well...I'll DO IT MY WAY!".........
Sam pushed over another drink for me and said...."Here this ones on the house...enjoy...you deserve it"......I was alittle tipsy from the last one and asked him what kind of rum it was.......He looked at me with a sly little grin and said...
".VEM VIRTUAL VEM "...................."BAZINGA"