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~ The Magazine ~

Wed, May 7 2014 6:52 AM (12 replies)
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  • SweetiePie
    4,925 Posts
    Mon, May 5 2014 10:11 AM

    As children, all five of us were required to walk to school just as our parents had. My middle brother, Jonny (do not ever call him Jonathan) was the jokester, good/bad seed, singular. Walking home from school, he always would dilly-dally and be at least 30-plus minutes late getting home. Then in middle school, at age 14, he started getting home from school at light-speed...every day. I was almost 8 years old. Our home was, just a house to me. We all had our own bedrooms upstairs and there were 4 bathrooms including my parents. Downstairs, there was a guest washroom that was mostly 'taboo' to us kids, but not forbidden. It was good sized and first-class...always sparkling with hand-towells of amazing quality, milled soap; always brand new, and a beautiful Persian rug of value. Anyway, I began to notice Jonny's new routine. Straight home quickly, fast into the front door and a bee-line to the guest washroom, turning on the fan, locking the door, and staying there for 20+ minutes. I couldn't imagine what it meant. Same routine day after day. Then, I decided to investigate. When nobody was around, I snuck into the washroom and started noising around. Nothing. Then a thought. I lifted the rug and "bang!" A magazine. It was called "Tail Ends". The cover was of a girls butt wearing a bikini. What in the world is this? My further perusal answered. Page after page of pretty girls touching their toes, or laying on their side, or in position to play leap-frog...entirely naked. My eyes were confused and popping out of my head! This was stuff only a gynecologist could see...good old big ones, big old good ones, chubby ones, purple ones, slim ones, pudgy ones, pink ones, brown/pink contrasting ones, flappy ones, Monarch Butterfly jobbbies....variety sharing a common bond...one size fits all. I stoled the magazine and hid it in the trash outside. Told no one...just watched...The routine stopped.

    ~ SP ~ 

  • PaulTon
    10,731 Posts
    Mon, May 5 2014 12:26 PM

  • DaddysKat
    3,554 Posts
    Mon, May 5 2014 5:56 PM

    Poor Jonny ... I hope he's okay.  I'm sure he didn't stop with that self-gratification ... just chose a different venue!

  • CanineSupervisor
    1,882 Posts
    Mon, May 5 2014 6:24 PM

     I was laughing so hysterically at the narrative, that I just fell off my freaking chair. OUCH!! 

    I have to agree with Ms. Kat - I hazard to guess which venue. Ever use a black light in your bedroom, SP ????

    They say something about payback is something or other.

     

  • DaddysKat
    3,554 Posts
    Mon, May 5 2014 10:03 PM

    CanineSupervisor:
    Ever use a black light in your bedroom, SP ????

    I never used a black light ... kinda makes one look like their eyes and teeth are blue.  

     

  • SweetiePie
    4,925 Posts
    Tue, May 6 2014 9:14 AM

    DaddysKat:
    I'm sure he didn't stop with that self-gratification ...

    Well, Jonny is married now, however I'm sure that the old maxim "Two kinds of liers; the one who claims they never did, and the other that claims they quit", is firmly in place

  • PaulTon
    10,731 Posts
    Tue, May 6 2014 10:18 AM

  • filmslayer
    2,340 Posts
    Tue, May 6 2014 10:34 AM

    SweetiePie:
    "Two kinds of liers; the one who claims they never did, and the other that claims they quit"

     i always heard there were two types of people , those that lie about it and those that admit it ...

  • ThreeSpot
    476 Posts
    Tue, May 6 2014 10:52 AM

    The "Report Abuse" button has taken on a whole new meaning in this thread.

  • DaddysKat
    3,554 Posts
    Tue, May 6 2014 1:42 PM

    ThreeSpot:

    The "Report Abuse" button has taken on a whole new meaning in this thread.

    ROFL ... soooo true!

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