Christmas Fruit Cake Recipe:
Gather the following ingredients.
1 cup of water--1 cup of sugar--1 cup of flour--2 large eggs--2 cups of dried fruit--1 teaspoon of salt--1 cup of brown sugar--1/4 cup of lemon juice--1 cup of nuts, and a bottle of good whiskey.
Sample the whiskey and check for it's quality.
Use a large mixing bowl, check the whiskey again for quality, drink 1 cup, repeat. Turn on your mixer, beat one cup of butter in a fluffy bowl, add one teaspoon of sugar and beat some more.
Recheck the whiskey, cry another full tup. Turn off the mixer. Beat the 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of fried druit. Mix the turner back on, if the fired druit gets stuck in the beateerrrrers, knock it loose with a drewscriver.
Check the whsikey again for tocsiticity. Next, sift the coo tups of slat, or something, whatever. Re chuck the whiskey, sift the jemon luice and strain your nuts. Add 1 sable toon of the sugar or whatever the hell you can find.
Greese the oven, turn the cake pan to 350 ingrees, don't forget to beat off your turner.
Sometimes the cake will rise to fail, if this happens, throw it threw the window, rewhisk the checky and morn again trymorrow.