I have a friend who knows vegetables very well. They say that broccoli (Brassica oleracea) grows perpendicular to the medium that it grows in. She has hanging baskets where they sprout out at 90°! (Waiting for pictures to post).
With careful planting, spacing, thinning and nurture, she thinks you could have a nailed on solution to the elevation problem.
Sir David would have to sow the seeds (doesn't work with mature plants) and then roll on a hydroponics setup to accelerate the sprouting heads. Players would have to decide where to sow. (WGT to sell the seeds of course).
Elevation - after 6 to 9 days - would be more pronounced. Dah-dah!
Or you could use them as a gutter to bounce the ball in?
I saw in a post today (Boycotting Clashes?) that someone was thinking of boycotting broccoli.
Think again my friend.......