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Golfing Jokes

• neildiamond11790 1,115 Posts

  Thu, Mar 11 2010 12:37 PM

  An older couple are playing in the annual club championship. They are playing in a playoff hole and it is down to a 6 inch putt that the wife has to make. She takes her stance and her husband can see her trembling. She putts and misses, they lose the match. On the way home in the car her husband is fuming, " I can't believe you missed that putt!" "That putt was no longer than my 'willy'." The wife just looked over at her husband and smiled and said, "yes dear, but it was much harder!"

• PorkyWalrus 607 Posts

  Thu, Mar 11 2010 5:41 PM

  I have a couple of jokes on my profile page, under blog posts. Enjoy!

  Greg.

• borntobesting 9,683 Posts

  Fri, Mar 12 2010 1:30 PM

  Snaike:

  Bit stormy here the other day.. that got me thinking about the great Lee "Supermex" Trevino..  (You youngsters out there, go look him up.  Won 6 Majors.... 4 of which had some guy named Nicklaus coming in 2nd.)

  After he'd been struck by lightning on the golf course around '75 or so... he was asked what he would do if he ever found himself on the course in another thunderstorm.

  Said he would take out a 1-iron and point it straight up... "Because even God can't hit a 1-iron!"

  Have a dry day.

  Maybe Trivino can't hit a 1 iron. And I may have some trouble with it at times but I still have one in my bag and normally can hit it pretty well. I am 63 and have had one in my bag since I was 15.

• StrangeMagic 1,304 Posts

  Fri, Mar 12 2010 3:07 PM

  "My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch."
  -Lee Trevino
  Never bet with anyone you meet on the first tee who has a deep suntan, a one-iron in his bag and squinty eyes.
  Dave Marr

• lkennedy 194 Posts

  Mon, Mar 15 2010 2:15 AM

  They get to the 18th hole.  Guy takes forever lining up his approach shot.  His partner finally says, "Just hit the blasted ball.  What's taking so long?"  The guy says, "my wife is in the clubhouse watching and i want to make a perfect shot."  The partner says, "Forget it, man.  You'll never hit her from here."

• TarheelsRule 5,551 Posts

  Mon, Mar 15 2010 3:12 PM

  I always thought it amusing that Trevino was the one who made the God can't hit a one iron joke and he was struck two by lightning on the PGA tour.

  I remember one Trevino comment about pressure.  Someone asked him about the pressure of playing on the PGA tour with all the money riding on every shot.  Trevino replied that the PGA tour isn't pressure.  Pressure is playing a $50 bet with $10 in your pocket.

• PorkyWalrus 607 Posts

  Thu, Mar 18 2010 5:17 PM

  Outside of a dog, golf is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to play.

  Behind every successful man is a caddie. Behind him is his wife.

  I'm not feeling very well, I need a doctor immediately. Call the nearest golf course.

  The first two are variations of Groucho Marx jokes, the third is original Groucho.

• danohi50 1,020 Posts

  Thu, Mar 18 2010 6:48 PM

  Old joke...The blind firemen are playing behind a ladies group..they were angered by the time it was taking the ladies to putt.  When the round was over, the blind firemen complained to the head pro about it..One of the ladies came over in defense...she said: Why cant you guys play at night?

• bifferskipper 76 Posts

  Fri, Mar 19 2010 4:01 AM

  A preacher wakes up one sunday to a beautiful sunny moring , too beautiful not to play golf. So he calls the deacon and tells him that he is sick and to take care of services that morning. Then the preacher drives into the next town to play so he wont be recognized, and sets up for the first tee, well this has got under St Peters collar and turns to God and says," Are you going to let him get away with this?'" God replies that He has everything under controll. The precher has just hit off the tee on a par 460 yrd par 4 and aces it. St Peter is livid..."i cant believe you did that for him!!! Why in the world would you do that?"..........to which God says.........Who's he gonna tell !!!!

• SweetiePie 4,925 Posts

  Sat, Mar 20 2010 9:34 PM

  This golf pro known as McSweeny

  spilled some gin on his weenie

  just to be couth, he added vermouth

  then slipped his girlfriend a martini