Forums

Help › Forums

Golfing Jokes

Thu, Jun 14 2012 11:39 AM (46 replies)
  • jcs89
    172 Posts
    Sat, Apr 3 2010 8:02 AM

    A man gets up early to go play golf.  He gets dressed, gets everything ready, loads his clubs in the car, backs out of the garage, and realizes that the wind is really blowing and it is pouring rain.  He pulls back in the garage, turns on the radio and listens to the forecast, which calls for rain and storms all day.  He then unloads his clubs, goes back in the house, gets undressed, and crawls back in bed with his wife.  He pulls her close and says, "Sweety, there is some storm going on out there" to which she responds, "Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband is playing golf in it!"

  • rehill
    431 Posts
    Sat, Apr 3 2010 5:43 PM

    jcs89:

    A man gets up early to go play golf.  He gets dressed, gets everything ready, loads his clubs in the car, backs out of the garage, and realizes that the wind is really blowing and it is pouring rain.  He pulls back in the garage, turns on the radio and listens to the forecast, which calls for rain and storms all day.  He then unloads his clubs, goes back in the house, gets undressed, and crawls back in bed with his wife.  He pulls her close and says, "Sweety, there is some storm going on out there" to which she responds, "Yeah, and can you believe my stupid husband is playing golf in it!"

    Oh man! That is great.

  • Snaike
    3,678 Posts
    Sun, Apr 25 2010 2:53 PM

    Ed and Dorothy met while on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.  When they discovered they lived in the same city only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic.  He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

            Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Dorothy to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums.  Ed became convinced that Dorothy was indeed his soul mate and true love.  Every date seemed better than the last.

            On the one-month anniversary of their first dinner on the cruise ship, Ed took Dorothy to a fine restaurant.  While having cocktails and waiting for their salad, Ed said, "I guess you can tell I'm very much in love with you.  I'd like a little serious talk before our relationship continues to the next stage.  So, before I get a box out of my jacket and ask you a life changing question, it's only fair to warn you, I'm a total golf nut.  I play golf, I read about golf, I watch golf on TV.  In short, I eat, sleep, and breathe golf.  If that's going to be a problem, for us, you'd better say so now!"

            Dorothy took a deep breath and responded, "Ed, that certainly won't be a problem.  I love you as you are and I love golf too; but, since we're being totally honest with each other, you need to know that for about the last five years I've been a hooker."

            "I see," Ed replied thoughtfully.  He looked down at the table, and was quiet for a moment, deep in serious thought then he added,

            "You know, it's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."

  • roytoy2323
    47 Posts
    Sun, Apr 25 2010 3:24 PM
    The game of golf is 90% mental and 10% mental. If you want to get better at golf, go back and take it up at a much earlier age. Since bad shots come in groups of three, a fourth bad shot is actually the beginning of the next group of three. When you look up and cause an awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the moment when you ought to start watching the ball if you ever want to see it again. A ny change works for a maximum of three holes and a minimum of not at all. No matter how bad you are playing, it is always possible to play worse Never keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either hit one more club or two more balls.
  • RobNE
    74 Posts
    Mon, Nov 22 2010 5:24 AM

    SweetiePie:

    This golf pro known as McSweeny

    spilled some gin on his weenie

    just to be couth, he added vermouth

    then slipped his girlfriend a martini

    I love your taste in humour!

  • RobNE
    74 Posts
    Mon, Nov 22 2010 5:29 AM

    A guy tells his playing partner about the new set of clubs he got for his wife.  The partner looks impressed and says, "great trade".

  • bigdaddie1
    2,694 Posts
    Mon, Nov 22 2010 5:52 AM
    One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing. *****************************************
  • LizzieRossetti
    1,545 Posts
    Mon, Nov 22 2010 6:31 AM

    Husband and wife playing golf,wife slices ball badly and it crashes through a large window of a house near the fairway.Husband "I think you should go and apologise,and ask for your ball back"

    Wife " Ok,but will you come with me","sure" replies the Husband.

    They ring the bell and wait for quite a while before the door is answered by a scruffy looking man in his 70's.

    "Excuse me,but my wife just broke your window with a bad shot from the golfcourse,were really sorry" says the Husband.

    "Sorry?" says the older man slowly. "you dont need to be sorry,I should thank you in fact."

    "thank us?" queries the husband,perplexed.

    "Why yes,you see,Im a genie and I have been locked in a bottle in the lounge for over 200 years,and your ball broke the bottle,so now Im free at last!" explains the older man.

    "Wow,so,does this mean we get three wishes" asks the husband excitedly

    "Well no,not quite,you see,Im a european Jenie,and we can grant up to three wishes,but only to one person at a time,or they do not work"

    At this,the wife pipes in with "Great!So if I wished for £10,000,I could pay for your window,and have enough left to buy better clubs then?" [Editors note-not from WGT you couldnt love]

    "Yes" says the Genie"That would work just fine.That leaves two wishes.

    "Ok" says the husband " Could I wish for a fast red sports car,I have these self esteem issues.."

    The old man chuckles knowingly,and says "Of course,I understand,its a man thing..So thats it then,your wife has her £10,000 and you have your red sports car,that leaves one wish for me."

    By now the husband and wife are grinning with their good luck.The old man shuffles his feet and looks a little sheepish.

    "Erm,so for my wish,and please dont be offended,but its been a long time,200 years or more,err,I would like just 30 minutes upstairs with your wife if I may?"

    The pair look at each other in silence for a moment,until the wife says "Well,I suppose we have what we asked for,sounds sort of reasonable?"

    Her husband,after a moments indecision,and still thinking of his own good fortune,relents and says that he thinks it would be fine if she did.

    The 30 minutes pass,and the older man comes down the stairs looking pleased and rejuvinated,followed by the wife looking dishevelled and a little red in the cheeks.The pair turn to leave in silence but just as they are about to leave,the husband turns and asks

    "Pardon me saying,but you being a Genie and all,why did you wish for my wife when you could have had any woman in the world?"

    The Genie ponders this a moment and says "How old are you sir?"

    "I'm 52" replies the husband.

    "I see,so your'e 52.And you still believe in Genies..."

  • Switz71
    278 Posts
    Mon, Nov 22 2010 7:11 PM

    Two guys were playing a round on a Saturday, just as they had every other week for 9 years. Just as the 1st man was about to tee off, a woman in a wedding dress ran over screaming... " You bum!   You lousy ass!  You promised!!"

    The golfer calmly replied "Honey, I said only if it rains today ..."

  • StevenJ1989
    2 Posts
    Wed, Nov 24 2010 3:31 PM

    Switz71:

    Two guys were playing a round on a Saturday, just as they had every other week for 9 years. Just as the 1st man was about to tee off, a woman in a wedding dress ran over screaming... " You bum!   You lousy ass!  You promised!!"

    The golfer calmly replied "Honey, I said only if it rains today ..."

     

    ok like that

    convertible cribs

RSS