So a year to the day ago, I found out I had Acute Myloid Leaukaemia.
And Today, following a healthy period of remission, I get the call to go back in from my consultant because my remission appears to be over. I could tell you that life sucks, but actually no, no it doesn't. Not when you have had a year of borrowed time, a second chance if you like.
I knew before the consultant did because two nights ago, my dog sneaked into my bed and curled up beside me, I like to think because he knew, and was just giving me the heads up. Just like he would do last year before I knew.
Today for me then, is a time to reflect on the wonderful 30 and a bit years I have already enjoyed, and to enjoy the day experiencing all that beauty that lies around us, waiting, waiting for me to notice it. A time to think about all those times I was angry at things that no longer matter, and the people I was upset by, for no real reason, and those whom I upset.
I would like to think I was serenity itself but yet inside I can feel a thrilling tremble, one that makes my fingers twitch and my mind race, crowded with thoughts, ideas, and yes, dreams, for who yet knows?
So this is my little note to everyone who still enjoys life without the expectancy, nay certainty of definable death. Be at peace, be placid, and rejoice in what you have for you know not when you will lose it. Send the anger and the rants to a darker place, and simply enjoy your time, tell someone that you love them, and cry freely at beautiful things. Hold tight something that you cannot do without, and think before you speak because you cannot unspeak.
I would love to think I could patch my scrawl to these pages for a long time yet, but hey, I will try, but my promise is likely to be broken. So dear friends...
Lizzie xx