http://msn.foxsports.com/collegefootball/story/auburn-trees-poisoned-shows-college-football-fans-nuts-021811
Tree killing? What's next?
By Kalani Simpson
Updated Feb 18, 2011 4:42 PM ET
Have you seen the mug shot of the guy accused of attempted tree murder in the Auburn Toomer’s Corner case? Nick Nolte is saying, “Man, that’s a bad mug shot!”
Yes, there it is. Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr.: The face of college football fanaticism. As more than one Internet wit already has noted, this is the official face of, “This is why we can’t have nice things.”
It is official now. This tears it. We’ve gone whack-a-mole.
There are people (not college football fans, but, you know, people) who think it’s crazy for coaches to be escorted around by state troopers. You know: What does this say about our sense of perspective?
Well, at least they’re alive! How about this? The Bear Bryant statue has its own armed bodyguards now!
This is where we’ve come. What could possibly be next?
It was only a few months ago that some moron (wait a minute; me?) wrote that the firing of a radio reporter for (in part) wearing the wrong hat might turn out to be the flashpoint we needed. It would shine a spotlight on the level of insanity in college football, specifically, the SEC. It would force ourselves to face this, to see what we’ve become. That level of absurdity — laid bare, uncomfortably, for the nation to see — might help a few people regain their bearings.
Yeah, right.
What a tool. Bearings? We don’t need no stinking bearings!
I don’t even know where my bearings are. Last I saw them, I’d left them over there, under my Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer.
Now, hold on. That is not to say this atrocity was committed by Alabama FANS. But there’s no doubt the accused is an avowed ’Bama FAN.
Law enforcement officials have gone out of their way to stress that the accused “acted alone.” This makes it sound like an assassination attempt, which, you know, it was.
Homicide? Nope. Herbicide.
What kind of person tries to kill someone’s beloved trees?
“This person obviously has problems to do something like this,” Auburn police chief Tommy Dawson said Thursday.
Yeah, no kidding.
As you’ve no doubt heard by now, the oak trees at Toomer’s Corner are hallowed ground in college football. How so?
Well . . . it’s where Auburn fans throw toilet paper.
But never mind. The point is, these trees mean something. This is college football. This is a holy site.
This would be like desecrating Georgia’s hedges. Like taking a pick to Clemson’s Howard’s Rock. Like peeing on Notre Dame’s “Play Like a Champion Today” sign (not quite sure how you’d do that). Like setting fire to Ole Miss’ Grove or showing up to the Texas A&M bonfire with a fire hose.
This would be like kidnapping the guy who’s dotting the “i” at Ohio State.
But this is worse than any of those, actually. These are trees. There’s something final about this, something awful. There’s something about a big, old tree.
This “breaks my heart,” Stephen Enloe, Auburn assistant professor of agronomy and soil, said at a Thursday press conference.
We’ve heard stories, seen scenes in movies about kidnapping the mascot, “borrowing” the victory bell. But this is not that. (He could have spray-painted “Roll Tide” on the field at Jordan-Hare Stadium, and he still would have gone to the clink. But he could have done the perp walk flashing thumbs up and we would have given a grudging grin.)
The guy accused is a 62-year-old man and an ex-cop. If we’ve lost him, who in the state of Alabama can we expect to be sane?
You can talk all you want about a lone gunman with mental issues, and that’s likely true on both counts in this case. But still, he lives in an atmosphere where he at least thought this might be socially acceptable. A caller to a radio show bragged about killing Auburn’s trees. The dots connect to the guy they eventually hauled in.
Some loser finally backed up one of those message-board boasts. The SEC better hope the image lodged in the nation’s mind out of this is Auburn and ’Bama fans rallying for those beloved trees — and not that disheveled mug shot. Because this isn’t what this rivalry is about — is it?
Is it?
The founder of the Facebook page to “free” the accused told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution: “It was a horrible deplorable thing to do, but (Auburn) has made a mockery of the sport we all love for too long. It’s time someone stood up and said, ‘Okay enough, let's focus on the REAL issues here.’ ”
Yeah. The real issues.
Roll damn Tide ... herbicide.
http://msn.foxsports.com/collegefootball/story/Auburn-fans-schedule-rally-for-poisoned-oak-trees-at-Toomers-Corner-021811
Auburn fans schedule rally for trees
Updated Feb 19, 2011 12:19 AM ET
AUBURN, Ala. (AP)
Auburn fans have scheduled a rally for the poisoned oak trees at Toomer's Corner, where fans traditionally rally to celebrate big wins.
The ''Toomer's Tree Hug'' was approaching 8,000 confirmed guests on Facebook by Friday morning. It's scheduled from noon to 3 p.m. on Saturday at the site where celebrations include rolling the trees with toilet paper.
Police charged 62-year-old Harvey Almorn Updyke Jr. with first-degree criminal mischief on Thursday for allegedly using a tree-killing herbicide to poison the oaks.
The Facebook page for the rally says there won't be any actually tree-hugging but ''the hugs should be reserved for other members of the Auburn Family who need a shoulder in this painful time.''