Its all very well and amusing to joke about Cheaters and low scores and how they are achieved by methods not available to the general masses.
Today I was disgusted and appalled when I myself was cheated, and I can confirm that in addition to being disgusted and appalled, I was also very very cross indeed. I was sat at an outside table so that I might enjoy the sunshine as shoppers went about their business, it was one of those stainless steel tables that make a terrible grinding noise when you drag them about so that they are just so, and the chairs are also Stainless steel, but surprisingly comfortable.
I had specifically chosen this particular table since it afforded me a view both along Old Town Street to the roundabout, and down New George Street as far as the sundial, and also, there was a plate and empty coffee cup right there on the table, which was vacant when I despatched Lambert to secure it for me as I struggled gamely through the crowds of plebians with my bag containing an academic Diary for 2011/12 which I had earlier purchased at Smiths the stationers. I love it in Smiths, the scent of new unbought paper in the stationary department, the sight of so many brand new unopened best sellers on shelves as far as the eye can read, and such a plethora of shiney magazines as you can almost not imagine. Normally I would purchase a selection of pens and drawing equipment, not so much because I need it, but rather more because I enjoy the temporary thrill of ownership gifted to one as one caresses the newly acquired item.
Well so anyway, Lambert duly (for once) secured my chosen table and I glided in and took up my seat, one of the rather comfortable stainless steel affairs mentioned earlier. I had him draw up another chair so that I might raise my feet having dropped my shoes to the floor, and rest my heels a moment in a pose which I choose to call relaxed. Through the network of stainless steel and shiney table top, laced as mentioned with an empty cup and a plate, I was able to watch my toes wriggle in a small ecstasy of simple freedom, and I amused myself at this for a short while before settling down to the serious business of people watching. During the interim of course, Lambert had been sent on with my order for a large cup of Kopi Luwak coffee, my current favourite, and one the proprietoress keeps in private supply for my visits, which I endeavour to make regularly.
Now there was another reason for me taking up this table, and I should mention that it is by no means my normal choice since where I normally choose to sit is actually reserved for me always with a sign placed boldly upon it, which I rather like. That seat though, lacked what my current one did not and this was the curious addition of that empty cup, and the plate with it, for upon that plate there lay almost a half a fancy, which had, to coin a convenient phrase, "taken my fancy".
So as you can well imagine, I was in a state of high excitement when I finally forwent my toe wriggling exercises and prepared to enjoy my almost half-a-fancy just as soon as ever Lambert appeared bearing my steaming Kopi Luwak. Now in normal circumstances,I would class myself as an observant type, what with my highly developed peripheral vision and my heightened awareness that I might miss something to my advantage, or dodge a bullet, whichever seems best at the time. However, I was more or less engrossed with my toes, especially the teeny one on the far left hand (foot?) side of my left most foot. It was able somehow, to wrap its cheeky little self over its slightly larger sister just to its right, and this fascinated me fatally, for whilst thus engrossed, a waiting staff type person had studiously cleared the table without my knowledge, thereby denying me forever, my almost-half-a-fancy!
I therefore submit that Cheaters must be dealt with severely because I now know just how low and vengeful one can get when cheated so abysmally. In my mood of opprobrium I had Lambert remonstrate strongly with the management which resulted in a free plateful of no less than four whole fancies, but somehow, they just did not taste the same.
Lizzie xx