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Golf Jokes

Sun, Jun 2 2013 3:30 PM (94 replies)
  • helen1972
    347 Posts
    Tue, Oct 11 2011 11:36 AM

    Four men, well along in years, had played golf as a foursome every Sunday morning, until one of them passed away. The other three asked the club pro if he could find them a compatible gentleman to fill out the foursome again. "No problem," answered the pro.

    "But, you have to understand," one of the guys, named George, explained, "that Moe, who died, was like our eyes. We're all getting some cataracts, and have trouble seeing the ball. Moe's eyesight was perfect, and he was our spotter."

    The pro promised to see what he could do, and, when the others returned the following Sunday, he introduced them to a truly ancient looking gentleman, named Gary.

    "How old are you?" George asked.

    "I'm ninety-four," Gary responded.

    "Fabulous," said George. "But how's your eyesight?"

    At this, Gary blew up. "Don't insult my eyes," he yelled. "I may be old, but I've got 20-20 vision. I have eyes like an eagle. Don't insult me!"

    "Okay, okay," the others said. "Let's play golf."

    George was first on the tee, and he hit a long, low drive, that faded significantly after about 200 yards. He turned to Gary.

    "Did you see where it went?" he asked the ancient one.

    "Did I see where it went? I told you not to insult my eyesight. Of course, I saw where it went. I've got eyes like an eagle!" Gary yelled.

    "Okay, I'm sorry," said George. "Where did it go?"

    Gary dropped his head, and muttered, "I forgot."

  • Shanks795F
    10 Posts
    Tue, Oct 11 2011 6:34 PM

    Keep them coming Helen, very good stuff!!

    Shanks

  • Rzbk
    376 Posts
    Tue, Oct 11 2011 11:24 PM

    Great jokes, Helen

    Thanks for the laughs

  • helen1972
    347 Posts
    Wed, Oct 12 2011 1:44 AM

    A woman golfer suffers a nasty bee sting and leaves the course to go see her doctor about it.

     

    "What happened?"  asked the doctor.

     

    "I got stung between the first and second hole,"  replied the lady golfer.

     

    The doctor replied,  "You must have an awfully wide stance!" 

  • helen1972
    347 Posts
    Wed, Oct 12 2011 1:47 AM

    One day a man named Bob was playing a round of golf with the Pope. On the first hole,Bob hits the ball into a sand trap "Damn, I missed." says Bob. The Pope says,"you shouldn't say that ,it is bad.

     

    Later on in the day on the ninth hole Bob hits the ball into the water. "Damn, I missed." says Bob again. The Pope says, "Don't say that, next time you do, God will strike you down with a lightning bolt."

     

    Close to the end of the day on the last hole, Bob hits it an inch short of the hole. "Damn, I missed." says Bob once again. The Pope looks into the sky as the clouds start to split apart. Then a lightning bolt comes down from heaven, striking and killing the Pope. God's voice echos, "Damn, I missed." 

  • helen1972
    347 Posts
    Wed, Oct 12 2011 1:48 AM

    A foursome was on the last hole and when the last golfer drove off the tee he hooked into a cow pasture.  He advised his friends to play through and he would meet them at the clubhouse.  They followed the plan and waited for their friend.

     

    After a considerable time he appeared disheveled, bloody, and badly beaten up.  They all wanted to know what happened.

     

    He explained that he went over to the cow pasture but could not find his ball.  He noticed a cow wringing her tail in obvious pain.  He went over and lifted her tail and saw a golf ball solidly embedded. It was a yellow ball so he knew it was not his.

     

    A woman comes out of the bushes apparently searching for her lost golf ball.  The helpful male golfer lifted the cow's tail and asked,  "Does this look like yours?"

     

    That was the last thing he could remember. 

  • michalla
    398 Posts
    Wed, Oct 12 2011 2:40 AM

    Odpaliště 2

     

     

    God and Saint Peter are playing golf.

     On the first hole the ball falls into the pond to God. Water rozestoupí God and the ball explodes back onto the lawn.

    On the other, God holds out properly and the ball goes ten feet from the hole. In this earthquake occurs, part of the lawn and pulled the ball, onto the hole.

    On the third hole the ball gets stuck in a pile of sand.

     God will create life - from single-celled organisms evolve in fish and amphibians them. Then arise from amphibians reptiles, birds and small mammals in the end.

     One of the mammals come running to the pile of sand, takes the ball into the mouth quickly, and it will carry into the hole.

     St. Peter looks at God and says, "You play golf or do not know what out of boredom, do?"

  • helen1972
    347 Posts
    Wed, Oct 12 2011 2:55 AM

    Did anyone else find that as confusing as me  ? lol

  • scorpion2008
    1 Posts
    Wed, Oct 12 2011 6:00 AM

    Helen ,, this one deserves a thank you !!  Got a chuckle from that one !  Thx for posting it !

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