Actually Nutz, there is a new course at this very moment being mapped and photographed, allow me to tell you about it.
Its in the Bay Area which is probably in San Francisco somewhere which in turn is part of New York, and therefore of course, the Kingdom of American nations and republics and Hawaii, which is quite close to Australia except for some sea and some other islands and things.
Which reminds me, I was in the Bay Area in 1994 with my Dad because he wanted to fly like the wind on a train from Pittsburgh but couldn't because as I pointed out, trains rarely fly very far at all, although long freight trains derail often at Chicago necessitating the use of a crane train upon which general members of the public are not allowed but me being eleven and really quite cute they made a exception which they later regretted, well the man in the hard hat with a really REALLY fluffy jacket did anyway but that all wasn't my fault because how was I supposed to know which lever did what I was only eleven.
Leaving behind two not one broken freight trains now, we had to go through Laramie on the California Zephyr because some other freight train had become unrailed in the Rockies, not my fault, I wasn't even there this time. Anyway at Laramie I looked into everyone's back yards and broken cars behind tattoo shops with those boll weevil things rolling down the road and thinking no wonder Jesse James gave himself up or was caught and imprisoned here. Dad was in a lower deck playing cards and drinking Budweiser which he likened to the gaseous exchange prevalent when two planets collide and a pale yellow substance issues forth and smells of ammonia, at least an old Aunt smells that way but it not her fault I suppose and I found it strange he didn't just compare the Bud to her but then again he is like me, or me him, and has feelings which don't stretch to the feelings of planets I suppose. I liked it when Dad went there because it gave me opportunity to explore and experiment and what I found about the train is no ones business.
Well actually it is, it is everyone's business because it concerned the train toilets, which is where people do their business if you understand what I mean. The thing is, I rather thought the toilets had been added after all the rest of the train had been built, which is a bit like in Great Britain, but thats another story which I will annoyingly tell now, and then after, continue with the American toilet story.
When sir George Train (that's where the name comes from) invented the first train, he discovered that it wasn't capable of travelling very far without running out of stream, which was a bit of a waste of our rail network if you ask me, but I wasn't around then because that was in 1950 or there abouts so only really old people can remember that sort of stuff, although it IS interesting so I'm happy to bring it up now. Anyway, so the first long distance trains were not really long distance at all, only going from London (Then occupied by the Romans and known as Londinium) to Reading, which is pronounced Redding so people don't get confused with reading as in books sort of thing. Should have just called it Redding if you ask me, but again, I wasn't there then so I couldn't sort it out at all, and now its too late because they have a big sign with the name already on it and a rock festival, so WAY too late .
So these trains invented by Sir George Train ( and his wife, Lady Carriage) didn't have a toilet on them because George thought people could probably not wee or poo themselves in such a short Journey (He didn't know about my aged Aunt, it wasn't his fault). Well things took a turn for a worse after the Norman invasion in 1963 because they insisted on George making his trains ( and lady Carriages) go very much further than just Londinium to Reading. The first thing George did was to invent steam mines so that his trains (named after him) could go much further because they would have more steam for their engines.
Problem was, he mistakenly opened all the steam mines in Wales, so the Normans had to invade Wales which at that time was inhabited only by mermaids and one man who made you pay to cross over his bridge at a place called Severn Bridge which is also the price he made you pay, in the local currency, which luckily, was bridges. Only the very rich and wealthy ever went to Wales, and then stayed there, because of the steam mines.
Any way, the upshot of this was that even people with really strong bladders and things, or several layers of clothes, were then able to travel on the extended rail network without doing an aged aunt, so as a temporary measure, George decided he needed to find a place where no one cared much about, about equidistant between Londinium (which by now was under the control of the livingstone clan so nothing at all worked) and the steam mines so that he could stop the trains for people to go about their toilet.
He chose Swindon, and to this day, no one cares about it still. he constructed a Platform and said that ladies should go to the welsh end to do their numbers, and men to the Londinium end for theirs. Only after the invasion of Britain by bearded men with empty heads but large egos, known as Bransons, were trains to appear with on board toilets and earphones that do not work.
So.My experiments on the California Zephyr. Uh oh. Door bell. Brb
Lizzie xx