Clearly Mr Kontic you are thinking of George Washington who invented (Independant) constitutions and you would need a strong one of these to travel on the zephyr because as I mentioned earlier, I carried out experiments to do with the loos and found them wanting to a degree.
The main problem was one of size, coupled with location. Now when you travel with a twin cabin, you actually get a set of bunks which you can either sleep on, or as I did, kneel on throughout the night wide eyed with your hands pressed fingers splayed against the glass of the window. They wash the glass at Denver but from time to time I would lick the glass if there was nothing of interest to look at as the darkness on the edges of many towns rolled by. I also strengthened the father/ daughter bond by waking Dad frequently to show him something that had already disappeared by the time he roused his lazy head. Too many aged Aunt smelling Buds if you ask me.
So anyway when you book the cabin, you also get your own personal toilet to go with it, just across the corridor but at times not far enough across the corridor. Now myself, I was able to find suitable entertainment when in there since there were many levers which just begged to be pulled, whether in or out of stations, although I think Amtrak would have preferred me not to pull them in stations, if the signs were anything to go by. There was a small sink which I found could hold precisely 30 seconds worth of water from the tap, before depositing further amounts onto the floor and over the paper dispenser, so I learned to carry out this experiment AFTER using the toilet bowl function, but usually BEFORE Dad went in there. The lock was an ingenious affair designed to either keep someone out, or as I was to discover, keep someone in. Actually it accomplished both tasks quite well at the same time, but this was admittedly after I had modified it with my micro screwdriver set that I had obtained the previous Christmas.
There are times when a girl should listen to her dad, and there are times when it is polite to pretend you don't hear. At the time I hadn't quite figured out the niceties of which was which, which was how come Dad ended up on the inside, and I on the outside of the newly modified toilet door. He was saying something which I thought a trifle muffled, except that I knew it was a combination of those grown up words you sometimes hear when really you oughtn't be listening. It was quite a long combination, and in gaming terms I expect the whole combo would have netted my Dad maybe 20,000 bonus points. It didn't get him out of the toilet though. That had to be accomplished by a train porter who seemed very puzzled as to the nature of our little problem, so much so that he had to take his railway cap off and scratch at his head in a way that made me think he probably had nits, even though he was bald, a bit like a shiny brass doorknob.
The other problem with the toilet, for my Dad at least, and aside from an inquisitive and screwdriver armed daughter, was the size, or rather lack of size assigned to the toilet. Whilst I could use it and still have room to swing my legs whilst unscrewing things and singing to myself, he could only achieve the standing up version with difficulty, and an unaccountable fear of closing doors, whilst he couldn't perform in any useful or satisfactory way if he needed to deploy the male sitting version. We were three days on the train, so at some point I figured, the time would surely come.
Our solution was for him to leave the door open, which he was quite happy about anyway, and for me to stand guard at the end of the corridor ready to warn him with a special password if anyone came tootling on down. Twice this happened.
The first time was not a success according to Dad. I put this down to several things at once, and not a single one of them was my fault, despite whatever Dad might say. Only a few minutes in to the task at hand, or whatever, and me standing bravely on guard at my end of the carriage, someone approached and so I started to try to remember our codeword, which I couldn't because it was Dads idea and therefore I can't be blamed for that. Still can't.
Anyway, I thought I would do my own code which seemed similar to his, at least in that it was a code as well, and so all would be well. No one knows how anxious one feels in a situation like this, and so I called gently down the corridor, " The wind is cold with the window open" Funny thing is, both my Dad and the lady coming towards me said simultaneously "What my dear? " except Dad never did say my Dear, especially after his earlier inconvenience in the convenience. Confused but delighted in a dreadful way, I looked from one voice to the other, quickly calculating the gap between the approach of disaster, and the disaster that was my Dad being too daft to understand my new code. Seeing expertly that a collision that I did not want to witness was imminent and seeing myself as saviour (hopefully) or demon (Probably), I took proceedings up a notch in what I deemed to be the nick of time. Well it was a nick that resulted from this, but not one of time, I think it best not to go further in my explanation, but sometimes wonder if this had anything to do with me remaining an only child.
Throwing propriety to the wind, I yelled " DAD! Pull your pants up theres a lady coming!" At this point, Dad dutifully tried, and I mean he really tried, but in order to do so, this necessitated him standing up, and partly into the corridor, at which point the lady coming, as I had already stated, rounded the twist in the corridor to be faced with a red faced Dad mid trouser pull. Whether the driver of the train was aware of all of this or not remains to be discovered but in any case, he chose that moment to begin braking for a station stop and my Dad in my opinion over compensated for this which resulted in him hopping madly toward the lady who was coming, still trying to attain some form of decency. I thought it best I wasn't around anymore and took a sudden interest in the next carriage along, which had a big bay window to look out of, out of which I could see tattoo parlours and dead Cadillacs in backyards and a barking dog, although to be fair, I couldn't hear the bark.
The second time, what with us both being veterans now, should have been more of a success but it wasn't. In my defence though, although I had been thoroughly briefed on exactly what and when to speak my coded words, this briefing did not include the possibility that any one would approach from the opposite end of the corridor with the result that I took no action whatever when a family appeared from that direction. Except to stand there wondering how daft was my Dad for not having thought of this situation in the first place. Least said, soonest mended, and I think I am an expert in saying the least.
During subsequent roams of discovery I was to find a toilet for the disabled where there was room to be had to spare, and which I used from that point forward given the dodgy lock on our own toilet door. I told Dad about this one as we disembarked but I don't think he heard because he was staring so hard at something in the air and clenching his fists like he had cramp or something.
Anyway, I was telling you about the new course Nutz. Its cool beans it is.
Lizzie xx